by club, i mean nightclub.
they're all the same really. there are too many people, and with no room to barely walk, being so suffocatingly close to everyone else is entirely impersonal.
women dress as provocatively as possible in hopes of attracting male attention, in turn having $12 drinks purchased for them. men buy drinks for women to secure conversation, their hope being a domino effect will ensue, and the product of their endeavors being a fun-filled night of drunken sex (& it's likely that both parties will barely remember).
the music is generally Billboard's most recent top 10, playing gold-chained rappers that love "poppin' bottles". dancing to this music, in a club, is nothing more than sweaty gyration as a means of mutual masturbation.
clubs are meat-markets, and the whole experience is oversexed.
give me a dive bar any day.
12.28.2008
12.25.2008
what is the world coming to?
i just found out that my dog, Bud, who lives with my parents, has contracted an STD from the neighborhood lady pitbull. apparently Bud runs away sometimes and ends up in this lady pitbull's backyard, in the hot tub, awaiting sweet love.
what is your average domestic pet to do? they don't make animal condoms! not only does my poor Duddy Buddy have a disease, but also a broken heart. his lover bitch (in an entirely literal sense) has been around the block a few times. me oh my.
on another note, apparently my baby cousin Samantha's middle name is Harley Davidson. no jokes here. Samantha Harley Davidson Holly. this epitomizes my family in more ways than one.
ya dig?
what is your average domestic pet to do? they don't make animal condoms! not only does my poor Duddy Buddy have a disease, but also a broken heart. his lover bitch (in an entirely literal sense) has been around the block a few times. me oh my.
on another note, apparently my baby cousin Samantha's middle name is Harley Davidson. no jokes here. Samantha Harley Davidson Holly. this epitomizes my family in more ways than one.
ya dig?
12.18.2008
grossmont hospital.
as of recent i have been pretty sick. in addition to some strange flu that made my head feel like a ripe watermelon, ready to be cut open and devoured, i also have this strange ear ailment.
for the past four or so days, i've left my apartment four times at most. thank god i had christina to take care of me. i went to the emergency room on tuesday night, at a hospital which i was under the impression to be a community hospital. i thought the term community meant lowered prices for all of us folks without health insurance. WRONG. on all accounts.
first of all, these people don't even ask for identification to verify that i'm really chelsie rose kern. second, they don't forewarn you that your five minute visit with the ER doc is going to put you out 1000 dollars. fucking sweet.
when it rains it pours, and this brain of mine is like a locomotive train that still runs on coal. feverishly documenting the days, but polluting everything with it's blackened clouds of thought. sick brain. sick body.
but christina was phenomenal, and took care of me.
for that i am very, very thankful.
for the past four or so days, i've left my apartment four times at most. thank god i had christina to take care of me. i went to the emergency room on tuesday night, at a hospital which i was under the impression to be a community hospital. i thought the term community meant lowered prices for all of us folks without health insurance. WRONG. on all accounts.
first of all, these people don't even ask for identification to verify that i'm really chelsie rose kern. second, they don't forewarn you that your five minute visit with the ER doc is going to put you out 1000 dollars. fucking sweet.
when it rains it pours, and this brain of mine is like a locomotive train that still runs on coal. feverishly documenting the days, but polluting everything with it's blackened clouds of thought. sick brain. sick body.
but christina was phenomenal, and took care of me.
for that i am very, very thankful.
12.11.2008
word.
sticks and stones are hard on bones.
aimed with angry art,
words can sting like anything,
but silence breaks the heart.
actions speak louder than words.
for every cloud there is a silver lining.
you don't know what you've got till it's gone.
blah blah blah.
go cliches. kill it everytime with truth. i'm trying to take every cliche i find and re-write it in unique terms. so if you have any others please e-mail to me at jaoredior@aol.com
LATE.
aimed with angry art,
words can sting like anything,
but silence breaks the heart.
actions speak louder than words.
for every cloud there is a silver lining.
you don't know what you've got till it's gone.
blah blah blah.
go cliches. kill it everytime with truth. i'm trying to take every cliche i find and re-write it in unique terms. so if you have any others please e-mail to me at jaoredior@aol.com
LATE.
12.04.2008
a year to live.
i was talking to my lovely friend, freuline hauser, last night. in talking to her she brought to my attention an epiphany she had while sitting on top of the parking garage that overlooks citicenter in reno. she is going to live this coming year as if it were her last. the concept being if you only had one year to live, what would you do? it isn't morbid at all. in fact, it's entirely uplifting.
a year to live coincides with the nicholson and freeman's the bucket list, nonetheless, i'm gonna do it as well. starting today! i have compiled a short list of things that i must do withing the next 364 days because on the 365th i am going to die. not literally, but whatever. you get it.
here is my list:
1. fill up one notebook per MONTH. complete with sketches, poetry, observations. twelve pieces of me. record everything.
2. write a novel in the format which i have already kindof begun in the vignette format. dedicate it to my mother.
3. take an all american roadtrip following the likes of kerouac.
4. see doomtree in concert. preferably in minnaepolis.
5. love everyone as passionately as i possibly can. love them with kindness even when it may not be deserved, because life should be spent giving what you in turn wish to recieve.
6. have a conversation with a stranger a day.
7. learn as much as i can from my professors. education for the sake of knowledge, baby.
8. learn spanish.
9. celebrate my birthday at burning man.
i have some other things, but it's a secret.
as the first day of my last year to live i'm going to call my mom, and tell her just how much i love her. i'm also going to dance around my apartment to a little elvis presley. LOVE YOU bright sunshiney people.
a year to live coincides with the nicholson and freeman's the bucket list, nonetheless, i'm gonna do it as well. starting today! i have compiled a short list of things that i must do withing the next 364 days because on the 365th i am going to die. not literally, but whatever. you get it.
here is my list:
1. fill up one notebook per MONTH. complete with sketches, poetry, observations. twelve pieces of me. record everything.
2. write a novel in the format which i have already kindof begun in the vignette format. dedicate it to my mother.
3. take an all american roadtrip following the likes of kerouac.
4. see doomtree in concert. preferably in minnaepolis.
5. love everyone as passionately as i possibly can. love them with kindness even when it may not be deserved, because life should be spent giving what you in turn wish to recieve.
6. have a conversation with a stranger a day.
7. learn as much as i can from my professors. education for the sake of knowledge, baby.
8. learn spanish.
9. celebrate my birthday at burning man.
i have some other things, but it's a secret.
as the first day of my last year to live i'm going to call my mom, and tell her just how much i love her. i'm also going to dance around my apartment to a little elvis presley. LOVE YOU bright sunshiney people.
12.03.2008
12.02.2008
Aphrodite.
Aphrodite was a goddess. Foxy lady. Ruler of men. Stories say anyone that saw her became drunk with her good looks.
My name is Aphrodite too, but my smile is crooked like politics. I am not a pretty girl.
My mother is beautiful. Her hair is champagne, and she laughs bubbly. Sometimes, when we’re walking to the corner store, men whistle to tell her just how impressive she is.
She had big plans to wrap me in pretty pink dresses with lace and daffodil yellow ribbons and bows. But my legs are unladylike. They are like chipped Fine China. Useless porcelain. The kind you don’t want your guests to see. Mother says no boy will ever love a girl with scars like that. She makes me wear my brother’s old jeans, always two inches too long, so no one can see my bruises.
I wish I had a simple name like Katy or Susan or Ashley.
I cannot live up to these expectations, and I hate to disappoint.
My name is Aphrodite too, but my smile is crooked like politics. I am not a pretty girl.
My mother is beautiful. Her hair is champagne, and she laughs bubbly. Sometimes, when we’re walking to the corner store, men whistle to tell her just how impressive she is.
She had big plans to wrap me in pretty pink dresses with lace and daffodil yellow ribbons and bows. But my legs are unladylike. They are like chipped Fine China. Useless porcelain. The kind you don’t want your guests to see. Mother says no boy will ever love a girl with scars like that. She makes me wear my brother’s old jeans, always two inches too long, so no one can see my bruises.
I wish I had a simple name like Katy or Susan or Ashley.
I cannot live up to these expectations, and I hate to disappoint.
11.25.2008
vignette.
i'm going to write a story in a series of vignettes. vignettes are small literary sketches, little tidbits. i'm going to write it on blogger. i don't know the beginning or the end or anything about it, but plan to develop as it goes along. a little experiment of mine.
i was inspired by the novel the house on mango street, by sandra cisneros, a favorite poet of mine. the next post should be the first of my vignette series; which i'm going to begin writing now.
anonymous reader, i hope you enjoy.
i was inspired by the novel the house on mango street, by sandra cisneros, a favorite poet of mine. the next post should be the first of my vignette series; which i'm going to begin writing now.
anonymous reader, i hope you enjoy.
11.24.2008
11.23.2008
soul food saturday.
we hosted soul food saturday at the crib in honor of chimichurri curry(b/c he is such a good man). on the menu: jambalaya, cornbreadz, sweet potatoe friez and apple pie. from scratch likez itz suppsed to be. musicz: james brown, parliament and other gurus of soul. drank: james brought some very soulful malt liquorz called schlitz, 24oz. of heaven.
good timez, great oldiez.
good timez, great oldiez.
11.21.2008
11.20.2008
requiem
I am tired
of all
the pinprick
reminders
and the guilt
bleeding stupid
romanticism
all over
the well worn pages
of my history.
I am going to sleep now.
And when I wake
all that will matter
is this moment,
because that is all
there really is
because I am too tired
to reread these
stories,
even once
more.
-c.rose 11.05.08
of all
the pinprick
reminders
and the guilt
bleeding stupid
romanticism
all over
the well worn pages
of my history.
I am going to sleep now.
And when I wake
all that will matter
is this moment,
because that is all
there really is
because I am too tired
to reread these
stories,
even once
more.
-c.rose 11.05.08
11.18.2008
bluebird
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.
-excerpt from the poem "bluebird" by c. bukowski
i've been reading a lot of charles bukowski's work lately; prior to the past week or two i had always thought he was nothing more than an overrated alcoholic. i admit the morose duder has grown on me. i think it's his nack for stating things as they are, in a simple manner. drunk lush or not- his honesty, with no sugar coating involved, is admirable.
that's why we like him isn't it? he allows himself to be sad. telling us all of his secrets, because we can't face our own.
though there is one glaring fault. bukowski primarily focused on the dirty hole in the wall truths of being human, but he became so absorbed in downtrodden adaptations of the world around him that that was all he could see.
charlie boy, you should've listened to the beatles.
take those broken wings and learn to fly.
but it's too late now. you're dead.
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.
-excerpt from the poem "bluebird" by c. bukowski
i've been reading a lot of charles bukowski's work lately; prior to the past week or two i had always thought he was nothing more than an overrated alcoholic. i admit the morose duder has grown on me. i think it's his nack for stating things as they are, in a simple manner. drunk lush or not- his honesty, with no sugar coating involved, is admirable.
that's why we like him isn't it? he allows himself to be sad. telling us all of his secrets, because we can't face our own.
though there is one glaring fault. bukowski primarily focused on the dirty hole in the wall truths of being human, but he became so absorbed in downtrodden adaptations of the world around him that that was all he could see.
charlie boy, you should've listened to the beatles.
take those broken wings and learn to fly.
but it's too late now. you're dead.
11.11.2008
11:11 !!!
today is the best day of the year! it's my self-created holiday, 11:11. luckiest day of the year if i do say so myself. which is what i'm saying.
slightly strange and uber whimsical, but whatever.
anything can happen today. make wishes and think lovely thoughts.
and for all of you peepz that don't live in sd (619, holla) here's a sick (not ill) picturograph of our crib. lovin dem urban settingz. i'm thankful.
go frolic and make wishes and be chipper and childlike.
today's special :)
slightly strange and uber whimsical, but whatever.
anything can happen today. make wishes and think lovely thoughts.
and for all of you peepz that don't live in sd (619, holla) here's a sick (not ill) picturograph of our crib. lovin dem urban settingz. i'm thankful.
go frolic and make wishes and be chipper and childlike.
today's special :)
11.09.2008
take to the streets, sucka.
so, obama did it.
we did it damn dirty, too.
we took it to the streetz of our downtown hood and sang this absolutely fantastic jingle. in our pajamas. D.ray was there too, but during the filming of our muziq vid she was attempting to convince her boss to give her a raise.
enjoy ladies and gents.
hopefully the next fo' yearz'll be off the hinges, if you will.
we did it damn dirty, too.
we took it to the streetz of our downtown hood and sang this absolutely fantastic jingle. in our pajamas. D.ray was there too, but during the filming of our muziq vid she was attempting to convince her boss to give her a raise.
enjoy ladies and gents.
hopefully the next fo' yearz'll be off the hinges, if you will.
11.08.2008
this too shall pass
christina and i were in hillcrest and there was a rally promoting the peoples' right to marry despite sexual orientation, i.e. no on prop 8. thanks to tuesday's votes, 52% of californians were able to inhibit the equality of another 48% based upon "religious belief". i'm so disappointed.
because a big man in the sky says that you have if you have sex with someone of the same sex is wrong, and it's written in a holy book the masses blindly follow. so blind in fact, they're running into shit and walking all over the rights of others.
as if heterosexual love isn't hard enough as it is, we have to mess it up for everyone else.
because a big man in the sky says that you have if you have sex with someone of the same sex is wrong, and it's written in a holy book the masses blindly follow. so blind in fact, they're running into shit and walking all over the rights of others.
as if heterosexual love isn't hard enough as it is, we have to mess it up for everyone else.
11.04.2008
i'm so happy i could cry
it's raining, and it finally feels like fall.
dependent upon whatever my current life situation may be, rain always brings out the emotion in me. always calm, subdued emotion. variant on the seasons i suppose.
thankfully, today the rain brought clarity of mind. in my own particularly eccentric way.
these past six months have been incredibly significant
& i have found truth in some pretty god-awful, generic cliches.
life really does goes on, and you can't appreciate the good without the bad. every sorrow strengthens our meager emotional muscles and we are always capable of bearing slightly heavier loads afterwards, with whatever newfound wisdom was gained from what seemed to be pain so intense you wouldn't survive. but you do. because we are human and suffering is natural. it is only through this suffering that the good can be truly appreciated.
on the way to work on sunday, i saw a homeless woman standing in the rain with a sign that said "just need a little help". i don't know if it was the rain or my inherited overtly sensitive nature, but i started to cry.
"Who has time for any thing but their own pleasures and sorrows,
for the few good people they've managed to gather around them against the uncertainty..."
it's important to recognize the lack of perspective we have in our lives.
it's imperative that we start making the time.
baby steps, at least.
dependent upon whatever my current life situation may be, rain always brings out the emotion in me. always calm, subdued emotion. variant on the seasons i suppose.
thankfully, today the rain brought clarity of mind. in my own particularly eccentric way.
these past six months have been incredibly significant
& i have found truth in some pretty god-awful, generic cliches.
life really does goes on, and you can't appreciate the good without the bad. every sorrow strengthens our meager emotional muscles and we are always capable of bearing slightly heavier loads afterwards, with whatever newfound wisdom was gained from what seemed to be pain so intense you wouldn't survive. but you do. because we are human and suffering is natural. it is only through this suffering that the good can be truly appreciated.
on the way to work on sunday, i saw a homeless woman standing in the rain with a sign that said "just need a little help". i don't know if it was the rain or my inherited overtly sensitive nature, but i started to cry.
"Who has time for any thing but their own pleasures and sorrows,
for the few good people they've managed to gather around them against the uncertainty..."
it's important to recognize the lack of perspective we have in our lives.
it's imperative that we start making the time.
baby steps, at least.
11.01.2008
halloween
the original plan for halloween was to go up to sunny los angeles for HARD, but alas we procrastinated on buying tickets until the week prior. meaning the tickets were sold out, and if you really wanted to find a ticket it'd be about two hundred dollars.
in place of one of the most phenomenal line-ups possible (justice, soulwax, deadmau5, blah blah blah blah blah) christina and i spent the day watching blockbuster rentals on a laptop. surprisingly enough, it wasn't disappointing by any means. we also brought both of our mattresses out to the living room and built a fort to watch the movies in.
chili pepper pajamas, forts, pasta&parmesan, my best friend = glamorous fo realz.
movies rented as follows: leprechauns in da hood, stephen king's IT, jesus camp and sunshine.
leprechauns in da hood- the most ridiculous movie ever made. completed by a pot smoking leprechaun and gold used to purchase sweet ridez & hair extensions. top prize winner of the evening. IT- i hate clowns and anything stephen king. rather anticlimactic. jesus camp- documentary on evangelical christians and their quest to win the minds of america's youth. literally disturbing. further reinforcing my complete bafflement in regards to all things religion. sunshine- not an uplifting love story, but beautiful nonetheless.
so, though i did not spend my halloween amidst 10,000 other people at a face melting concert/musical festival to grace the month of october and though i did not spend it in a females' token promiscuous costume showcasing my feminine assets and though i spent it in the confines of my apartment, it was absolutely fantastic..
in place of one of the most phenomenal line-ups possible (justice, soulwax, deadmau5, blah blah blah blah blah) christina and i spent the day watching blockbuster rentals on a laptop. surprisingly enough, it wasn't disappointing by any means. we also brought both of our mattresses out to the living room and built a fort to watch the movies in.
chili pepper pajamas, forts, pasta&parmesan, my best friend = glamorous fo realz.
movies rented as follows: leprechauns in da hood, stephen king's IT, jesus camp and sunshine.
leprechauns in da hood- the most ridiculous movie ever made. completed by a pot smoking leprechaun and gold used to purchase sweet ridez & hair extensions. top prize winner of the evening. IT- i hate clowns and anything stephen king. rather anticlimactic. jesus camp- documentary on evangelical christians and their quest to win the minds of america's youth. literally disturbing. further reinforcing my complete bafflement in regards to all things religion. sunshine- not an uplifting love story, but beautiful nonetheless.
so, though i did not spend my halloween amidst 10,000 other people at a face melting concert/musical festival to grace the month of october and though i did not spend it in a females' token promiscuous costume showcasing my feminine assets and though i spent it in the confines of my apartment, it was absolutely fantastic..
10.30.2008
and so the story goes
Main Entry: blog
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page.
my aim in writing this blog/online diary/personal chronological log of thoughts is to regularly exercise my writing in an organized format. normally i carry around my notebooks so i can scribble down descriptions, overheard conversations, thoughts, etc. etc. etc. but i feel that this whole blog thing has a lot to offer. i'll even have an audience to share with; it's a plus for everyone, really.
i'm going to keep this first entry very short and sweet. word.
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page.
my aim in writing this blog/online diary/personal chronological log of thoughts is to regularly exercise my writing in an organized format. normally i carry around my notebooks so i can scribble down descriptions, overheard conversations, thoughts, etc. etc. etc. but i feel that this whole blog thing has a lot to offer. i'll even have an audience to share with; it's a plus for everyone, really.
i'm going to keep this first entry very short and sweet. word.
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