sexuality.

i was raised in a very christian home. as a child, my mother would force my siblings and i to evangelical churches with congregations that spoke in tongues. for those of you who aren't familiar with the relatively new phenomenon of speaking in tongues, it occurs when a group of persons is blessed with the holy spirit. the product being temporary epilepsy, as they all begin to shake, murmur words that they themselves can't even decipher, and at times, cry?

in my sunday school courses we were taught the right way to be good little girls and boys. as i grew, the subject matter went from g rated to pg-13, and sex became the hot subject. obviously, our young impressionable minds were molded to believe that you were to wait to have sex until you were married. if one did otherwise, it was no longer sacred. or as my mother put it when she came to the realization i was no longer a virgin, "now you have to wear a black fucking wedding dress."

in addition to the sexual stigmas associated with religion, society impregnated it's opinion of sexuality as being negative when attributed to women. sex was always correlated with the promiscuous girls. the kind of girl that wears them short shorts just to get male attention, to be followed up with private attention, and sexual experimentation. the story always ending in the same way, that girl became the slut, whore, and any other derogatory term we adolescents could secure to the females' actions.

from childhood to adolescence, sexuality, espeically in women, is tabu. granted post high school years allow unprecedented sexual freedom, but in my case, there is always underlying guilt for any sexuality i express. i recognize the idiocy of such emotions, yet my subconscious works so hard to make something as sublime as sharing my body with another a matter to be ashamed of if there isn't a traditional courting process.

it's ridiculous. sexual expression with another person is one of the most beautiful things one can do, if you allow it be such. so, fuck a tabu. i'm not in any way advocating promiscuous behavior, but i am rejecting traditional ideas of in what context sex should happen. women should be strong and confident in their sexuality. i intend to be.

p.s. in honor of sexuality, read your horoscope.
http://www.nerve.com/Regulars/Horoscopes/02_02_09/